


Understand

by Vaderfanboi



Series: Bereaved [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Seasonal Affective Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-06 23:35:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14658579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vaderfanboi/pseuds/Vaderfanboi
Summary: Sam Wilson is a ray of sunshine in your gloomy days but you realize your relationship isn't one-sided





	Understand

**Author's Note:**

> I made the reader gender-neutral I think but idk if it's coded as feminine. And I personally dont have ptsd so im not sure I properly portrayed it through Sam. I also gave him a few habits that acompany both ptsd as well as ocd so y'all can headcanon him as you please

New York was wet. It was rainy and dull and grey. You moved into the Avengers compound for three months before an overwhelming dullness took you over. Every day seemed more and more gloomy and it never ceased. The one solace to your grey mood was Sam Wilson. It could rain every day and he’d still cheer you up. 

Today, you were sitting at the kitchen counter, playing with a bowl of soggy cheerios while lacking much cheer. It was a pretty somber scene, you with your chin in your hand, stirring the cereal to mush. Normally by now, you would find Sam and play video games or watch a movie. It didn’t really matter what, it was something better than breakfast slosh. Unfortunately, today, Sam was no where to be found and it was nearing noon. He never slept in so late, before.

The longer you waited, the stranger it was that he was sleeping so late. You figured he was just resting but you knew Sam, he was an early bird. You decided to knock on his door to see what was up. 

You dumped your greul in the sink and made your way to his room. Maybe he was actually resting and you were going to disturb him. You hoped that wasn’t the situation. 

Rapping your knuckles in the fashion of your coded knock on his door, you could just barely hear music. It was Marvin Gaye. Again, you knocked and you heard a small “who is it?” from his side. That was weird, he knew your secret knock.

“It’s (Y/N)” You answered. Behind the door, you heard the music turn off, steps, and then the sound of the handle unlocking. Sam looked tired. It was like he hadn’t slept in a week. He looked jumpy, too. “Are you alright?” You asked.

Sam stepped aside and let you in. His room was impeccably clean and organized. You had never been in his room before so you didn’t know what to expect but you certainly weren’t expecting this. “I’m okay. Why?” he responded while locking and unlocking the door repeatedly. You waited for him to finish. 

“I hadn’t seen you all morning and usually you’re up pretty early” You said. 

Sam noticed how dark his room was and opened the blinds. Dulled light poured into his room and he flinched. It wasn’t very bright out bit his room was nearly pitch black. “Is everything okay?” You asked again.

“Not really” Sam walked to his bathroom and you walked towards him. He began washing his hands fervently and you noticed the skin on his hands becoming raw.

You let him wash, not wanting to disturb this trance he seemed to be under. He looked more fragile than you had ever seen. Not weak, just less like himself. “You wanna talk?” You offered. Sam turned off his water and walked back into his room. He sat on the bed and gestured for you to sit next to him. 

“Ever since I came back, I noticed I get really anxious. Like it hurts to feel scared. I’ve just seen a lot of things and it builds up. I can usually handle it but sometimes it gets overwhelming” He divulged. This wasn’t a side of Sam you had ever seen. You guessed it was the price of being one of Earth’s mightiest heroes. “It was easier at the VA. I was surrounded by vets who knew what I felt. When I look at Steve and you getting along fine, I feel soft” 

You put your hand on Sam’s leg, reassuringly. “Steve puts on a strong front because he has to. There’s a lot going on with him, too but he thinks it’s like, his duty to be a fortress” You joked lightly. Steve was impeccable on the outside but he hurt on the inside like anyone else. It shocked you that you comprehended Steve’s pain before Sam’s. “and I’m not as fine as you think I am. When you aren’t around to pick me up, I get bad. Sometimes I get into these funks and I feel like the only thing that could save me is sunlight and every day is a disappointment” You confessed to him. 

Sam was looking at you, eyes focused on yours. “Why didn’t I know that?” He asked. 

“I thought you knew. I thought that was why we hung out so much. I figured you were trying to make me feel better” You said, moving your hand from his knee. 

“No, I just liked being around you” He said before sitting in a silence for a moment. “Do you wanna get out of here? We can go see a movie or bowling or something” He offered, feeling calmer.

“I’m fine with whatever you’re up for. Are you still anxious?” 

“I’m better. Do you wanna get something to eat?” He asked, getting up. You followed suit and He smoothed out the sheets. As the both of you left his room, Sam locked his door ten more times.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Also this work is in my bereaved series which is for characters that died in IW so feel free to request any others


End file.
